


Homebound

by flippednique



Series: Detka [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And are working on it I guess, Angst Train, Because he's their gem, Coming Back To Each Other, Distance, His name is Jem, I suck at tags, I think Viktor has depression, Issues, Just like the Viktuuri relationship, Like seriously they've been fighting for two chapters already, M/M, Mentioned Mpreg but it's in the past, Secrets, They're Divorced, i'm out, they have a son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:07:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flippednique/pseuds/flippednique
Summary: There's been an awful mistake in the quaint little office that no one notices hidden behind the glass doors of the immigration building of JFK. One Yuri Plisetsky was on his way to Japan and one Yuuri Katsuki was on his way to Russia. Secrets are revealed.





	1. Agape

"You don't understand, maybe I'm not saying this right or you can't see the urgency in my voice but I have to be in Japan!" The twenty-eight year old Yuuri waved his hands, begging what little Russian he knew to come out and explain his current predicament to the flustered flight crew. The woman dealing with him looked extremely apologetic, but he didn't need that right now, no matter how sincere or heartfelt her intentions were. What he needed was a ticket flying back to Japan, ASAP.

"I really am sorry sir, but this was JFK's mistake and we have to get back to them to rectify it. Your travel insurance should cover any expenses but until we get the necessary paperwork done you cannot leave Russia." She bowed like she was taught to do in accordance to Japanese customs and clasped her hands together. "Again, we are truly very sorry."

Yuuri couldn't say anything anymore, his heart beat wildly in his chest as the world whirled around him. He numbly accepted the hotel papers offered to him which apparently were from his flight insurance company along with a cheque he could deposit for some money to use while he was here.

"How long would that be exactly?" He asked, hoping he wouldn't dread the answer.

"Perhaps a week, sir. Five days at the latest."

It was a manner of simply going out the immigration office and calling his family to assure them that he was fine and that everything would work out but Yuuri couldn't even make it three steps past the door. He spent a minute convincing himself that the world was a huge place and there were an infinite number of people named Yuuri. Only when he got out, his stomach dropped and his heart gave a traitorous little flutter.

"Ah, there you are. Have you got it out of your system?" Standing only a few inches taller than him, blue eyes kind but cold, Viktor tapped a finger against his smirking lips. "Funny how hard you try to run away from me but the world keeps pushing us back together, no?"

Yuuri gave him a shaky smile, clutching his papers to his chest in an effort to not turn on his heel and bolt. "Funny."

Viktor returned the smile and licked his lips, smooth despite the biting cold of mother Russia. "Why don't we get you settled in for the time being?"

Yuuri's aching feet and stomach agreed woefully because that had been a long flight, and he'd spent it quaking and nervously stuck to his seat wishing and praying it was all a dream. The rest of him however hesitated. "I... I've got a hotel ready. I just need to find it. I don't want to inconvenience you."

"Don't waste your money, the insurance company can't fund your entire stay, they'll be expecting to requote you on your next trip." Viktor reached for his luggage, leading the way out the airport without much discussion as if he still had the last say just because they were in his homeland and not Yuuri's. "Come, you must also be hungry. Did you fly in coach again? Was their food terrible?"

Yuuri followed after him helplessly, willing his mind to work past the small talk Viktor was giving him. If he didn't know better he'd say Viktor was rambling. "How'd you know I would be here Viktor?"

"Yuratcha called." Viktor missed the stiffening of Yuuri's shoulders. "He says hi, or his equivalent of it, and he curses the fact that your names are the same. I find it extremely ridiculous that you both got on the wrong flight and didn't realize it until you were both there."

A splash of color due to embarrassment made its way to Yuuri's face. "I was a little drugged."

Viktor raised a fine brow.

"Sleeping pills." Yuuri hastily added. "I haven't been sleeping well without them, not since..."

_Not since the divorce_.

"Ah." Viktor hummed in understanding, or probably just acknowledging the shared information. Was he losing sleep to? Probably not, after all it had been his decision. He was probably happier now. The thought made Yuuri's heart ache, though he was convinced it was the gravity of the situation.  

Yuuri got into Viktor's car in a daze, wondering if it was his lethargy or if he was just plain crazy to be behaving like this was... normal. It felt just like it did before when he was visiting Russia, only it was also different. More quiet. Viktor wasn't sending him teasing looks after months of separation. Viktor wasn't reaching out to to hold his hand after days of just touching screens.

Yuuri's fists clutched at his pants, his breath stuttering. The ride to Viktor's apartment was silent. The tension heavy.

When the car reached its seventh stop light, Viktor offered him his phone. "You should call over and make sure they know you're alright."

"Right." Yuuri took the iPhone gratefully and was surprised to see all his close relations' contact numbers still saved. He found the inn's number and dialed it without question. Viktor probably forgot to delete them, even after all these years, he probably couldn't be bothered. The call pushed through after a reminder that international calls cost extra and someone picked up on the first ring.

Yuuri felt his heart bleed at the teary voice that mumbled a hello. He wondered if Viktor still knew Japanese. "Hello there. What are you doing answering the phone?"

There was an elated shriek on the other end followed by a lot of garbled sentences that he couldn't quite catch because of the crying. He tried to be more assuring, more strong as the call went on. It was only a short while before the phone was passed to his mother and he let his voice waver ever so slightly as he bore the weight of Viktor's stare despite the man driving.

He knows.

God, Yuuri leaned heavily against the car door and tried to keep his voice steady for everyone's sake as the phone was returned to the initial speaker. "I love you, I love you so much and I'll be home soon, I promise. Please don't cry, baby."

" _I'm trying. T-there's a really scary customer here."_

_"_ I bet," Yuuri chuckled. "He's actually very nice, you should show him your favorite cafe."

The call ended just as Viktor pulled over. Yuuri waited shortly before returning the iPhone. Viktor accepted it and asked without much stalling, "How old is he?"

"Four."

Viktor let out a choking sound and leaned his head back against the headrest. "I can't believe you."

"I'm sorry."

"Yuuri, how could you?"

"I was afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of what you would say and of what you would do." Yuuri stammered. "If I'd told you four years ago that I was pregnant with your child, how would you have reacted? You were asking me for a divorce because the entire JRS frowned upon same sex marriage and you couldn't possibly bear the loss of your titles. The only person who brought my decision to keep him away from you was yourself."

Viktor remained silent and Yuuri made to move out the car, and out of instinct, reached for the keys still in the glove compartment. He grabbed his suitcase from the backseat and walked up to Viktor's apartment. He'd done this so many times and even now it still felt like coming home.

Here he thought he was over this man, yeah right. These five days would suck more than a headbutt on the ice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely agree with Viktor. How the heck do you reach another country on another continent without realizing it till you're there. I also do not know if JFK has ever had an incident like this but I honestly doubt it.


	2. La Perfum des Fleurs

The time difference between Russia and Japan was at the very least eighteen hours. The fact that he came from the US didn't help him any, it was a thirteen hour difference between there and Moscow. Yuuri was about ready to take his ice skates out of the sad blue shoebox he'd shoved them in when he found out he was being divorced over the sport they aided in, and throw them at the next person, animal, or phone to make so much as a peep of noise.

He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep on the plane since he was well, drugged but also panicking, it had made for a very odd and misplaced feeling, he hadn't gotten any read there much less here. The room was spacious with warm brown walls and a baby blue ceiling. The bed was firm, like his family's futons at the hot springs. The pillows were on the right side of solid, not fluffy. He was as comfortable as he would be in his own home, and in all technicalities, this was his home.

But in his heart he knew that wasn't really the case.

The divorce had come unexpectedly after three years of wedded bliss. Viktor had come to coach him when he was twenty-three. He won gold in the grand-prix when he was twenty-four, and then silver in the next one at twenty-five, only because his coach decided to have one last go on the ice, with him in a way that he couldn't be when he'd been his coach.

Viktor had proposed to him when they'd both been standing on the platform, gripping bouquets, medals, and a number of plushies that included a somewhat disturbingly accurate and life-like poodle that reminded them of Makkachin and Vichan respectively. The ring was a white gold band with a diamond that gleamed blue in some lights and green in others.

Yuuri felt its absence like a heavy sinking feeling, his left hand's ring finger was cold without the jewelry when back then it was as if it burned red hot, an incredible reminder of Viktor's grand gesture. Yuuri couldn't even bear to look at it now, not that he could since he'd returned that particular gift to Viktor.

If the feelings that had possessed Viktor into giving him that ring as a symbol of his love, of the desire to spend the rest of his life with Yuuri and only Yuuri were gone, he didn't need that reminder.

Besides, he had an even bigger reminder. It was also louder, warmer, and so very beautiful, much like the relationship that it came from- or so Christophe had once said. He had a gem far more precious than the diamond on his ring.

Yuuri sighed and got out of bed. He wasn't going to get any sleep soon, he wasn't fooling anyone at all. There was also no point in staying in his room, the sun was high up in the sky even if it was still so cold. He took his duvet with him into the living room, not surprised to see Viktor on the floor, cup of coffee in his hands and laptop on the coffee table.

Avoiding his host would be inevitable too.

Viktor said nothing as Yuuri sat down beside him, he reached over and passed his iPhone without being asked. Yuuri took it and pressed in the passcode without thinking. The fact that it was still their wedding date sent a horrible tingling feeling through him. Had Viktor forgotten to change that too?

Yuuri fought the look to glance at Viktor. This man was a creature of habit. He probably couldn't be bothered to change it, though a confused and very soft voice asked him even after all this time? He changes his display pictures every three weeks! Yuuri squashed the annoying voice in his head and called his Mother's iPad. No sense in wasting Viktor's credit.

The call quickly picked up and Yuuri greeted his mother, not really raising his voice due to present company. He took in a deep breath because... because now that Viktor knew, there was no sense in hiding it.

"I..." Yuuri steeled whatever nerves he still had when it was this cold. He tugged his duvet tighter over his shoulders. "Can I please speak to Jem?"

He felt more than saw Viktor stiffen beside him. Yuuri ignored that and focused on the little boy now filling up the phone's screen. "Hello sweet boy."

"Hi Papa." Jem looked like he was waking up from an afternoon nap. He didn't have school today so it was likely. His brown hair stood up in unruly spikes, like dandelion fluff, his chubby cheeks flushed and his eyes were puffy from sleep. "You look cold."

"I am." Yuuri felt himself feeling a hundred times better though, warmer even all over as he took in the sleepy smile on his son's face. "You'd like it here in Russia, I think. Lots of snow for snowmen."

"It snowed here too, Papa." Jem reminded him. He seemed to struggle internally for a moment, his lips clamping firmly together. Yuuri patiently waited for him, knowing Jem would speak when he was ready. Finally he asked, "When are you coming back?"

Yuuri felt like his heart was breaking. "Soon, I just have to get some things sorted and I'll be there."

"In time?" Jem asked with an almost pout.

Yuuri laughed and nodded. "In time. I promise."

The smile Jem sent him could make angels sing. Yuuri and he chatted some more, Jem told him about his music lessons. They were getting harder and harder.

"But I'm so close to finishing a song!" Jem cried, a determined fire in his round blue eyes.

Yuuri wished his son good luck, then thought for a moment. "I have... I have a surprise for you when I get back Jem."

"Surprise." Jem echoed. He looked like he wanted to ask more but instead smiled excitedly. "See you when you get back Papa."

"All my love is yours." Yuuri promised then ended the call. He hesitated, but decided not to prolong the awkward conversation to follow. He passed Viktor's phone back to him. "I'm going back to Japan even if my insurance company doesn't figure out how to fix things. I have to be back before Thursday, it's Tuesday now. That's two days... Would you like to come with me?"

Viktor turned to face him, as if he hadn't been pretending to be oblivious to Yuuri's call. "Am I the surprise?"

"If you want to be." Yuuri looked at him squarely in the eyes. "I've hidden him from you for too long, and that was selfish on my part. It's not fair on him or on you. I'm not going to apologize because I was more afraid than ashamed. But now he's almost five, and he deserves to know his other father."

Viktor kept their gazes locked together before he raised a hand to run at his forehead. "I don't understand the situation right now."

"It's not as complex as a skating program Viktor. You're his father, he's your son. He's turning five in two days. It shouldn't be that hard to understand that the sooner you meet, the better for both of you." Yuuri leaned back against the sofa and hugged his duvet tightly. "It's my fault it's already taken this long."

There was a beat of silence and Viktor was crowding Yuuri's space, one hand reaching out, long fingers tilting Yuuri's face to turn gently. "Don't you hate me Yuuri?"

"I don't." Yuuri worried on his bottom lip, not fighting the soft caress. He'd never fought before, that wasn't changing now. "I'm confused, still. Where did that divorce come from? You never seemed to care about what the world thought."

"About me." Viktor lowered his hand. "I didn't care about what they had to say about me, Yuuri."

Yuuri's eyes fell shut, his head shaking. "That's a lie. You said you didn't want to lose your reputation. I understand that your love for skating has been there before your love for me. That's why I left quietly."

"Was it the opposite for you?" Viktor asked, his voice taking a sad note. "Did your love for me come before your love of skating?"

"Yes." Yuuri didn't need to think about it. "I've loved you since before I met you. It started shallow, you were my idol. It was difficult to separate my awestruck feelings from the ones that fancied you, but I did it in the end because I learned to love you. Not the invincible being on the ice, but the warm man that, through thick and thin, stood by my side."

Viktor was silent.

Yuuri could feel his heart drumming in his chest.

Then Viktor was laughing. "You never fail to surprise me. I thought that was my job."

"What?"

"Oh, Yuuri." Viktor sighed deeply. "I should have known better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm not the only one screaming about the new episode. It spurned the urge to write a second chapter. I'm not actually sure about this... it's coming off as a continuation of drabbles OTL


	3. Stay Close To Me

"I should have known better." Viktor breathed, and there was something in his voice that was either laughter or hysteria, Yuuri couldn't quite tell. The emotion was raw and it sounded painful as the words dragged out of Viktor. The air in the living room was still as tension filled but also there was a sense of relief. Finally, finally they would talk. Finally, there would be answers. Finally Viktor was being true to himself.

Viktor, Viktor, Viktor. Viktor who could command a crowd like a conductor to an orchestra. Viktor who could call on tears to fall by sheer force of will. Viktor who has never had any problems concealing his feelings, now trembling, now grasping at the edges of straws as he attempts to string enough words to express himself and actually make sense.

Yuuri's heart stuttered stupidly as he basked in the power, a happy feeling making its way deep down inside. Not anyone, not just anybody could say that they had this level of sway, this capacity to break down ice and perfection. Katsuki Yuuri revelled in how he could still affect Viktor Nikiforov. Horrible, that was what Yuuri was. Utterly despicable. He should be ashamed. And yet, he really wasn't.

"Explain." He said, after a minute of watching Viktor internally suffer, feeling slightly placated. "I _deserve_ an explanation."

"Of course," Viktor mumbled lowly, raising a hand to press against his eyes. As if he couldn't bear to look at Yuuri now, as if it had been easier to watch Yuuri sign their divorce papers four years ago. " _Of course_ you deserve an explanation. We are both so incredibly stupid."

Stupid. What. "Viktor--"

"Give me a moment, please." Viktor chuckled dryly. He inhaled, exhaled, inhaled then turned his head, looking at Yuuri now without problem but the tremor in his voice was still there. "I asked for a divorce because I thought it was the right thing to do. The JRS, they didn't like what we had, they thought to never let us skate again. And I didn't care about that, I don't skate for the medals or the titles. I skate because I want to."

Yuuri kept silent. He would speak later, much later, preferably when this grey haired, poodle-loving, Instagram addict decides to finally make a particle of sense.

"I asked for a divorce because even if I was done with skating, done with the limelight, _you_ weren't. You were young, Yuuri. You had so much left in store for you. I couldn't take that away from you, I wanted _more_ for you. I wanted you to be more than what I had become. And if I had to see you reach for the stars by fading back into the sky, then I would take that. I love you, still do. I've never doubted your feelings, I knew that when the time was right, we could be together again. I just didn't expect you to retire." Viktor gave a tired groan and leaned his head back against the sofa cushions. "That's what I meant about you surprising me, now with Jem. We have a son. And you named him Jem. Why Jem? It doesn't sound Japanese."

Yuuri could hear Viktor speaking, but his brain was having a hard time processing it. For some, it was easy to go through their emotions, processing anger and denial, shock, confusion. For Yuuri it was like listening to an intense rock song on loop then suddenly there would be clarity. Sometimes, like now, there were moments where he couldn't separate his emotions.

There were tears in his eyes, shocking Viktor into silence, although it was obvious he was glad for the reason to shut his gob. Yuuri raised a finger, that clenched into his fist, that opened a second later before it was released with the fury of an irritated mother on the back of Viktor's head. "You _never doubted my feelings?_ You would _fade back into the sky while I reached for the stars_? You **_love me_**? Viktor, I don't believe you."

"Yuuri," Viktor reached for him then, utterly shocked and desperate. "Don't say that, you're angry but please, I meant every word."

"I don't believe you. I _can't_ believe you." Yuuri leaned away from Viktor's reach, a hand reaching behind him to brace himself. He was still crying, dammit he wants to stop doing that. He hates this. Yes, yes he can make Viktor lose his composure but fucking skating gods above, Viktor had an even worser effect on him.

"Why?" Viktor choked out.

"Because!" Yuuri cried, loss for words for a moment. "Because if you truly believed in me and loved me you would have trusted me!"

"I did! I did trust you!" Viktor insisted. "I trusted you to understand what I was doing, I trusted that you and I would be okay."

"I am not a mind reader, you of all people should know that." Yuuri snapped heatedly. "I am not observant either. Viktor, Viktor I need you to talk to me. I can't be like Yakov or Yura. I don't know how to think along the same lines as you."

"I can't think the same lines along as you either." Viktor said. "What made you retire Yuuri? Why couldn't you have just followed through with my expectations, just once?!"

"Is this my fault now?" Yuuri fought the urge to get up and leave. They had to get this over with. They couldn't just sweep everything under the rug. If he wanted Viktor to meet Jem like he said, they would have to get this done. Shit closure. Dammit. He got on his knees, not wanting Viktor to keep towering over him. "Viktor, I am your husband! Was your husband! We were in a relationship that was more than just me, the figure skater, and you the coach. We were supposed to make decision together, not for each other. You didn't trust me Viktor, you played me. You made me think with my anxieties, with my theories and this is what happened. I thought the divorce was about you, as most things usually are."

"Are we going to talk about this again?" Viktor asked heatedly, he stood up, not liking that Yuuri was higher than him and began to pace the length of the living room. "I'm sorry that people have an insane interest over my personal life Yuuri, you already know how terribly sorry I am about that, but it came with the package. It came with me."

"I don't care about that!" Yuuri cried, standing up as well. "And that is not the issue here, we've gone past that road. Don't bring it up."

"You brought it up!" Viktor threw his hands up in the air, boom. All composure, gone. "And I did not play you, I did what I thought was best for you."

"That's the thing then, isn't it?" Yuuri asked, a biting retort. "You always think you know what's best but you don't. Look at us now Viktor, I'm so angry right now and everything I tell you goes in one ear and out the other because you're angry too. We're not getting anywhere at all!" 

"Answer me, please. Why did you retire?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Yuuri deadpanned, angry, oh so angry that he was ignored. "I was pregnant, Viktor. I was pregnant and alone. I had a child on the way with no husband, no support. I wasn't in the best of moods so ice skating while handling my ultrasounds wasn't even an idea to my post-divorced head."

Viktor let out another of those hysterical laughs. "You knew immediately. If he's four then you were pregnant while the divorce was on going. And if he's birthday is around now, then he was alive even months before the divorce. You were... three months along when we separated? That wasn't something you could have mentioned before we dotted the i's and crossed the t's?"

"I didn't know." Yuuri sat back on the couch because Viktor's pacing was making him feel tired. And all this negative energy was making him feel tired too. And he had already been tired in the first place. So now he was adequately exhausted. "Viktor, the stress of that divorce, the depression I went through after... I didn't know I was pregnant with Jem until I almost _lost him_."

Viktor's pacing halted. There was silence for a moment annd Yuuri looked up when Viktor came to stand in front of him. His eyes were shining with blue fire.

"You will till me everything that's happened to you Yuuri and you will not leave anything out."

Yuuri fought the urge to slap Viktor again like he wanted to, because damn him for turning Yuuri into someone so violent. Instead, he gave into his exhaustion and crumpled into Viktor's arms, welcoming the incoming darkness. Sleep had finally claimed him, and he let it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much angst. I'm so sorry but I did mention there would a lot of issues. I've been reading a lot of fics where everything is lovey-dovey for these two. I guess I'm going through the angsty road for them? Viktor has his pride and Yuuri has his weird emotions. It's bad that he has the urge to hit Viktor when he's riled up enough. That particular habit could open an entire can of worms. 
> 
> Where am I going with this? I'm not very sure at all.


	4. Still Alive

Viktor had an awfully glowing personality that doubled as his reputation preceded him. Gone were the days where he had had to work on making a first impression. Anyone who saw him anywhere looked at him and recognized him immediately. It was a matter of flashing his smile, waving his hand, signing a thing or two then parting ways. No one stayed, _he didn't want them to stay_. None of them really mattered.

But then... Yuuri had been different. Yuuri hadn't come searching for his attention, or his photo, or his signature. Yuuri hadn't wanted anything but to get as far away from him as possible. That had been different, that had been... so _refreshing_.

Viktor had scoured his thoughts about the man he'd so oddly offended. It had been so long since he'd last done that. Usually he could do no wrong.

Yuri had scoffed at him, lugging his carry-on behind him and into the plane. "He was in your division idiot. He's not just a fan." Then the blond proceeded to grumble about the other skater's inadequate self-confidence and will.

Viktor spent that flight wondering what could have caused such a reaction in Yuuri, he'd gotten the name from one of Yuri's rants.

Then the video came and Viktor was confused. Was this, this graceful creature on ice, the same person who had stared at him with such detachment. Perhaps? He looked like it. Yuuri had the same air of flight on ice that he had when he'd turned away from Viktor. He hadn't entirely been there.

Viktor felt his heart beat a little harder, was this, after all this time, now a new purpose? Was this what he could do? It would certainly be a surprise, no one would have expected an early exit from him.

And it would indulge his curiosities. Money was not a problem and Makkachin was the only thing he'd hurt to lose. He made the trip, he made the offer. He looked and looked as the days passed, as he tried to understand.

But Yuuri was unpredictable, Yuuri never reacted the way Viktor thought he would and if only the skating gods knew how frustrated and utterly fascinated Viktor was with this other figure skater. Not of natural talent, but there's talent there still.

Viktor wanted to see more, he wanted to see Yuuri excel. And somewhere down the road, he'd grown fond of him. Yuuri, the wallflower. Yuuri, background melder. Viktor did everything he could to get Yuuri out into the spotlight, and everything else to keep him there.

It had gotten harder, honestly. To keep Yuuri close to him when he needed to introduce Yuuri to the rest of the world. Chris was being too handsy, JJ was being too obnoxious. They wouldn't leave him alone. They wouldn't stop from analysing him, analysing them. Viktor fought the urge to tell them to back off, Yuuri's growing prowess would be enought to shut them up.

Then Viktor was failing, he wasn't doing what he could to make Yuuri excel. He'd made Yuuri cry.

"I don't know what to say right now, perhaps I should just kiss you?" Viktor rambled at one point. He debated, how quickly could he get close to Yuuri versus how quickly Yuuri could run away, and he was really fast even when off ice.

Yuuri completely floored him, with those tears, with those eyes that begged for understanding. But that was just it, Viktor couldn't understand. Viktor hadn't tried to understand anythign in so long. He just went with the flow, if he tried to understand things, he'd get fixated, he'd get stuck. If he understood things, things he put into his skating, then so would others. That wouldn't do. He lived to be unpredictable.

"I just need you to believe in me. Believe in me in the way I can't believe in myself." Yuuri walked away from him then, as he was prone to do. In a way Yuuri was such a coward. And in some ways he was so strong.

Viktor watched him go, and thought long and hard. He had come here to Japan out of curiosity, Yuuri was unknown to him. Something... something he could fix. Something he could spend time on while he tried to figure out what to do with himself. But also something he had to do, an apology. For not noticing him, for offending him. For hurting him when he'd already been down.

He dealt with guilt the same way he dealt with his programs. Oddly. With no pattern, just the urge to do something.

Then the point came where he couldn't take his eyes of Yuuri. When did it happen? How did it happen? Yuuri understood him. Yuuri could predict him.

Viktor was... he was almost afraid. Here was someone who could tell when he was upset, here was someone who could drive him insane with worry when before he'd been impartial, he'd been indifferent.

Was this... was this love? He'd never loved anyone but Makkachin in so long. Viktor had never really made friends. He'd never truly connected to others.

"Please take care of me." Yuuri whispered, eyes facing him head on. Viktor pulled him close, burried his face deep into Yuuri's shoulder.

How? How would he take care of him? How would Viktor do that when Viktor didn't know how to take care of himself? He thought of Makkachin, who was the only being that Viktor had kept close. He'd learned to take care of her, right?

He'd promised then, he'd promise that he would do better. He would learn to take care of Yuuri. Yuuri... Yuuri had been something he'd sought in the hopes of finding something to fix. But he would stop now, because Yuuri was inevitably fixing him.

And slowly, Viktor was starting to understand.

"Viktor? Would you ever... that is, try to compete with me?" Yuuri had asked one time. Viktor couldn't refuse. He'd sign up for the Four Continents immediately, eager to be on the ice with Yuuri in a way he couldn't be as his coach.

There was fire between them now, hotter than before. Was this commitment? He'd always been a comitted man, to the ice, to the blades. But they didn't love him like Yuuri. They didn't welcome him like Yuuri.

On the ice, there was him. On the ice, there was solitude.

But with Yuuri, there was passion. Yuuri who had so many adorable facets to him, he'd surprised Viktor day after day. Yuuri who looked at him like he was his whole world, in a light different from the many crazed gazes his adoring fans had given him. Yuuri who stared up at him from half lidded eyes, panting for breath, hands scrambling for purchase, settling against his back as they moved to the sounds of their heartbeats, so loud, so fast in a world that existed only between them.

Viktor crumbled in those hands, so graceful as they moved with unmatchable grace to the tune of Eros, Lust, Pleasure. Now they held Viktor with such tender care, it hurt to think to be away from them. Agape. Unconditional Love.

Then they'd done it. They won, together. Even as competitors, they'd both made it. They'd done it. Their adventure would be over now? Right? But... but Viktor didn't want that. He wanted to keep Yuuri with him. He needed Yuuri. He needed Yuuri to stay with him. To put up with him. Don't let him leave, don't let him go. No. No. Do something. Anything.

"Marry me." He'd blurted it out then, that's what he told himself. It had been a spur of the moment... but he'd been prepared. He'd had the ring with him for weeks now. Wondering, thinking if now would be the right time. He loved Yuuri, he was sure. But did Yuuri truly love him? Viktor was sure he did too.

Why else would he put up with Viktor? And his imperfections, his flaws so garishly obvious now that Yuuri knew how he'd busily put up his walls, and how Yuuri now also knew how to tear them down.

Viktor... Viktor was happy with Yuuri. It was... easier, to be himself. To be imperfect. He'd almost come to accept himself because Yuuri was accepting him. Their lives were slowing to a drawl of routines and patterns and even then, Viktor was starting to appreciate the predictability.

The safety, the comfort that the next time Viktor felt as if he were floating and dettached, Yuuri would be there to bring him back down.

Then the JRS started talking, posting articles, hosting interviews and he could feel everything spiraling down. It was as if the happiness he felt got jerked out from underneath his feet. Yuuri. They couldn't do this to Yuuri. Yuuri was still so young, he had so much more in him just waiting to be let out.

And Viktor was holding him back.

The decision was easy, but it hadn't been painless. He'd hoped that there was still some of him, the old him, left that he could convince Yuuri to do this. Because he prayed, and in his heart he knew, that if Viktor let it slip, Yuuri would see. Yuuri would see that he hated to do this. Yuuri would not let him leave.

So Viktor would have to work hard and push him away.

He didn't think it would be that easy.

"I want a divorce. This will be better for the both of us." 

Better for you, Yuuri. You deserve more than what I can give you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Viktor has depression, I think. It's the effect he got for being put up on a pedestal. He seems really unaffected in the anime, but for some reason he came out this way here. He doesn't know what to do with himself, he just knows that he likes to skate. Then Yuuri comes into the picture and he suddenly has to be more than that. He has to be someone who someone else is depending on. So he has to change, but can he? 
> 
> I guess that's why he keeps making decisions for both of them, he can't see past his own flaws to notice that Yuuri's flawed too. 
> 
> Dammit it Vitya.


	5. It's Quiet Uptown

Yuuri nursed his second glass of wine that evening with an air of a man about to face his death. Perhaps he was not too far off, already he was en route back to Japan. He hadn't felt this apprehensive about the idea of going home since that one time he'd flubbed the Grand Prix. He hadn't thought he'd ever feel that way again, especially since he'd always looked forward to coming home now, Japan where Jem waited. Usually, it was a trip he made on his own. It was a rare and odd feeling to be sharing the journey to his son with someone else, much more, it was Jem's other father.

Viktor sat at least a good meter away from him in his own little pod in business class. Honestly, the seats didn't matter to Yuuri, he was used to flying in coach, saving up every little bit of money he could. Just this once he hadn't thought twice about paying an extra hundred roubles if it meant coming home in time for Jem's birthday.

They were really doing this then, they were coming home. His son, James Nikolai Katsuki would finally know his father. Viktor would know his son. A slight twinge of guilt stabbed at Yuuri's heart and he took a healthy sip of wine. It had been his fault that Jem had lived most of his young life without two parents. Bless his child, Jem had never asked for his other parent. Yuuri had always seemed to be enough, even though Jem surely deserved more.

Deserved more. Viktor had said the same thing yesterday, when he'd attempted to explain himself; the divorce, his motives, the desired effects. Yuuri leaned back deeper into his small pod and just sat there.

Now that Viktor had given him his piece, now that he knew that all Viktor truly wanted was for Yuuri to have more in life, because for some reason he deserved more, because for some reason Yuuri deserved to be happy and it was up to Viktor to determine how Yuuri would get that. Not that it mattered what Yuuri thought, or that at the time Yuuri had believed he couldn't quite possibly live without Viktor and his presence.

Something Yuuri craved even now when Viktor was only just a mere breath away, legs curling into his chest, snug in his pod. Yuuri had refused to speak to Viktor when he'd woken up that morning not really inclined to answer Viktor's demand for Yuuri's explanation on his pregnancy.

Only if they were doing this now, if they were really, Yuuri would have to tell Viktor. He deserved to know.

Yuuri snorted inwardly at that. Did Viktor really deserve to know? Who or what would truly define what someone deserved to have or not have, to know or not know. He attempted to breathe out all the negativity he had because it was really not going to do him any good, then he set his glass down, unbuckled his seat belt and took the five steps separating him from Viktor.

The Russian was awake and spared him a second-long stare before he was moving, uncurling himself and opening his arms for Yuuri who immediately climbed into them, the pod now a tight fit for both of them.

"Comfy?" Viktor murmured into his hair as he finished adjusting their position.

Yuuri nodded, fisting a handful of Viktor shirt. "What were you thinking of?"

"A lot of things. Makkachin, Jem, you." Viktor said. "I think of you often. I think of us."

"I do that too." Yuuri said, his reached a hand out and took of his glasses, allowing Viktor to take them from him and putting it away to their side. "When I was younger, I was bullied a lot, remember that Viktor?"

" _Da_." Viktor's hold on him tightened, his voice breaking.

"And because of that, I'd always stayed at home. More than any of the other kids I knew at that age, really. And I loved it, I loved seeing my family and being with them everyday. I loved seeing my parents each day and see just how happy they were together. I... I wanted that for me, some day. To have someone see past the anxieties that built me and love me. I wanted my soul mate." Yuuri pulled back a bit so he could look at Viktor properly. "You... _You were it for me,_ Viktor. You were my soul mate. You loved me in the way that no one else had ever. You loved me when I was in pieces and you loved me when I was whole. I won't pretend to understand you completely, because that's what makes me love you even more. Your unpredictability."

Yuuri missed the way Viktor's eyes dimmed.

"You make me feel ready, for tomorrow, for the future. I won't lie and spare your feelings because what you did was an absolute asshole move." Yuuri told him. "What you did was... something you thought was right for both of us, but that's the thing. Both of us. You hold in your hands not just your life but mine. And now I'm giving you Jem's, to be a part of and to influence."

Viktor stayed silent.

"I will not run away from us now Viktor, and _kamisama_ help me I won't let you run away either. We are done with running away, we are done with being cowards. I... I understand now, why you did what you did." Yuuri tried to smile, small and watery as tears gathered in his eyes. "Do you know now? Can you say it?"

 _"... I was scared."_ Viktor choked. A small sob pulled out of Yuuri's lips in elation because finally, and he held onto Viktor even tighter. "I was so s-scared Yuuri. I- I've never had to think about losing someone, of not seeing you again, of ruining your life. If I hadn't done what I'd done and you ended up hating me every day of your life-- I could never live with myself. I would not ruin you."

" _But you did._ " Yuuri did not miss Viktor's flinch. "You ruined me Viktor, you ruined what we had. But that's okay because I still love you, do you hear me Viktor?, I love you and it's always been you and it would always be you."

Viktor shook his head in denial attempting to draw himself away but Yuuri would not let him, instead he held even tighter, knowing that he was probably bruising Viktor's skin. He pressed his forehead against Viktor's and willed their gazes to meet and stay together. "I'm not saying we can magically fix everything, but we're going to _try_ and to me that's all that matters. Viktor... Viktor, we have a son. He was made out of love, he was made by us. That feeling... Viktor we had a life together even though we were apart. We would always have been connected."

"Yuuri..." Viktor closed his eyes.

Yuuri shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. "N-No, no. Keep your eyes on me Viktor, don't look away. I want you to see me like this! I want you to see me falling apart so you know that it's okay! You don't always have to be strong. I... I don't need someone perfect, I only really need you."

Viktor kept his eyes closed, but he was there, his hands gripping Yuuri in an embrace that made it difficult to breathe. They were doing this.

They were going to come home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, hi. I meant to update guys, I really did, but my academic responsibilities got the better of me. I just got out of class for Christmas break so I'll make it up to you? 
> 
> BIG BIG WARNING BECAUSE OF LANGUAGE LATER ON DOWN THE PARAGRAPH XDD
> 
> This chapter... my God this chapter. First off, please feel free to call me out on my bullshit, especially about how I described business class. I've only ever ridden in coach during long flights (and short flights don't have different classes-- I think?? I mean my plane to HK didn't have other floors to it like my plane to KSA) so I have no idea what business class is like. 
> 
> Second off, these two are being idiots but at least Yuuri is pulling his shit together. Yuuri has no delusions about his feelings for Viktor. He loves him, flaws and all. To him, this separation is just another thing for them to get over. Another hurdle in the long race.
> 
> It's Viktor who needs to realize that no matter how he fucks things up, Yuuri won't let him run away anymore. 
> 
> Also holy shit this is rushed and short. Not my best work. The chapter title doesn't come from Skatra! too. Big thumbs up to the peeps who know where it comes from though? XD
> 
> I'm actually thinking now would be a good time to end this, I'd throw in an epilogue where Viktor meets Jem or something? What do you guys think?


	6. Safe

The rest of the flight back to Japan was spent under the sandman's touch. Their little talk had been incredibly draining for both of them, Viktor especially. He'd always had the front of a man who had his entire life put together, but in reality he was a lot less strong than he was usually given credit for.

Yuuri could see it now, the man behind the facade. The thirty-one year old Russian towered over the little brunette who'd just turned five that day, and yet Viktor looked more afraid of Jem than Jem was wary of him. Jem who was snuggled in Yuuri's embrace, holding onto him tightly as he asked, "Outo-san I missed you so much!", "Outo-san I wanna play the piano for you!", "Outo-san where's my surprise? Did you forget it, Outo-san?" in rapid Japanese.

His son had come running to him at the airport dressed in his warmest coat; a beautiful blue-green thing that Yuuri had bought because it matched his eyes so well. viktor's eyes. 

Yuuri wondered what Viktor saw from there. with him and Jem standing there before him. Did he see family? Did he see love? Did he... did he see home? 

"Who's this Outo-san?" Jem whispered, eyes on Viktor, wide and curious. Did Viktor notice those too? His eyes... in Yuuri's face. Jem's face.

"He's... he's someone very important Jem." Yuuri let his son go for a bit, turning him to face Viktor properly. "Go say hi." 

"Hi." Jem repeated dutifully, waving a small hand. 

Viktor smiled a smile that shook at the edges. He crouched down slowly and offered Jem a hand to shake. He tested the waters, not sure how to make his appraoch and settled on simply introducing himself. "Hello, I'm Viktor Nikiforov."

Jem's nose twitched when he heard Viktor's last name and he looked at Yuuri for a second, wondering if he had to repeat it. Yuuri shook his head, no. The Five year old nodded and reached out to shake Viktor's hand, his little forehead scrunching adorably in concentration before speaking in astonishingly fluent English. "My name is James Nikolai Katsuki. Your last name is weird." 

Yuuri blinked at his son then stifled the oncoming laughter with a hand. Viktor's face was a painting of surprise and if Phichit were there he'd be taking photos of it.

Jem continued to stare at him, eyes intent on his face. His bottom lip was trapped by little teeth and a slight flush crept up his cheeks. He looked like he was about to cry. Viktor seemed to collect himself at once, noticing the signs of a KID (Katsuki-In-Distress) and cleared his throat, his smile now more genuine as he ruffled Jem's black hair, the strand too short to slick back. Poor kid, he has Viktor's huge forehead. "Do you think it's a nice name?"  

"It's hard to say." Jem told him honestly, but now more relaxed. He smiled shyly up at Viktor, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat. "I don't think it's a bad name though."

"Good." Viktor glanced up at Yuuri. "Would you like to add it to your name?"

"What?" Jem blinked. "Why?"

"Talk about subtle." Yuuri cleared his throat pointedly and brought Jem up into his arms again, easily picking him up and anchoring him to his hip. "We have some things we'd like to tell you Jem, but we can wait until later, after the party."

Viktor stood up to his full height and dusted himself off, just so that he had something to do with his hands that were aching to grab both Yuuri and his son. his son. He nodded at Yuuri, swallowing the growing lump in his throat. "After the party."

Yuuri gave him a look for a second before he reached out, Jem in his arms towards Viktor who looked like he'd just been asked to hold Jesus Christ. "Take him for a second, I have a feeling I'm about to get an extreme earful from Yuri."

For a second Yuuri was worried that Viktor would drop Jem, but he trusted that if the man could find his core's center whilst three feet high in the air, then he could muster enough strength to not only hold his own son, but also to not drop him. Also, it was a little funny how stock still Viktor was. Jem had all the power in the world. 

Yuuri turned away from father and son ( _kami-sama_ that sent chills down his spine) and faced the impatiently fuming Russian on the other side of the airport. He spoke before Yuri could, wanting to have his piece before getting chewed out by the angry blond. "I just want to say thank you for coming here with Minako and not telling Jem who you are and what you mean to him. I also want to say that I hope you didn't tell him about Viktor just yet. We're going to do that together, after the party."

Yuri kept a bore looked on him, both his eyes now visible because his blond hair was tied back into two ponytails that fell down his chest. The cheetah patterened scrunchies were probably the triplets' doing. He cocked his head to the side and pointed a finger, "Are you done?" 

"Yes." Yuuri braced himself. "Lay it on me." 

Viktor watched from afar and in silence as his little Yuri, well not so little, began to kick at the bigger Yuuri, though not so big, and rant in angry Russian. He glanced at Jem in his arms, who was level with him and realized that the Russian was for his sake. The little boy on his hip was watching the happenings, his little fists grabbing hold of Viktor's coat. "Do you... Do you understand him?"

"Nyet." Jem said playfully, his lips forming a very familiar smile, heart-shaped. Viktor's breath caught,  _his_ smile. 

"That was Russian!" Viktor poked at his stomach, making the little boy laugh. He was a little soft there. Completely huggable. 

"I learned it from Yuri!" Jem caught the offending finger in one hand and pat Viktor's cheek with the other. "And you shouldn't worry."

"I'm not." Viktor replied, an automatic response.

Jem's eyebrows drew together, his lips pursing though it looked more like a pout. "Don't lie. You  _are_ worried. I can see it in your eyes." 

Viktor gaped at the little boy in his arms, glad he was stone still or else he might have dropped him. 

Jem's cheeks flushed again and he burried his face into Viktor's shoulder, something he'd seen Jem do when Yuuri first picked him up when they arrived. "You shouldn't worry, really. Yuri's yelling is how he shows his worry. He did the same to me after I almost got run over." 

_What._

"He pulled me out of the way, and saved the kitten that I was trying to save too." Jem hummed and nodded, digging his chin into Viktor's shoulder. "He's a good person." 

Viktor raised a hand to smooth over Jem's back, his entire body shaking in emotions he wasn't even sure how to describe. Someone had almost run over Jem? Someone had almost taken his son away from him? When he hadn't even known him yet? Just like when Yuuri had said he hadn't known he was carrying Jem until he almost lost him? 

How many times had the world tried to take Viktor's son from him before he even got to know him? The chance that he would have never gotten to meet Jem had been stacked against him for far too long. It took everything, absolutely everything for him to hold onto the strings of sanity left in his mind and not break down in the airport. 

Instead he clutched his son closer to him, hoping that the contact, the warmth, the weight would be enough to assure him that he shouldn't worry about what had happened then. What was important was that this was happening now. Here. Together. They were together. 

Jem's breathing was steady against his neck, his body limp. 

Viktor managed to stammer out a very shakily spoken, "T-Tired?" as he continued to rub soothing circles on his back. God, it  wasn't even bigger than his two hands together. His son was so small. So precious. 

"Woke up too early today," Jem mumbled back, sleepy. "I wanted to see Papa's surprise. I was hoping it would be a kitty." 

"Kitty, huh?" Viktor cooed back, swaying from side to side. It was done instinctively. "Do you not like dogs?" 

"I don't not like them." Jem's head popped up, almost hitting him in the face. He had a determined look, his hair sticking up on one side, the other side flattened from where he'd snuggled into Viktor's shoulder. "I just think that kitties are better than doggoes." 

"Damn right he does because he has taste!" Yuri cut into their little conversation, finally done with Yuuri and walking up to Viktor to give Jem a high five. "What are we doing standing here? Isn't it someone's birthday?" 

"Me! Mine!" Jem kicked out, forgetting he was on Viktor's hip and actually, possibly jumped for Yuri who had his arms open as if this had happened far too many times in the past two days he was there. The two then waltzed away outside, with Minako and Viktor and Yuuri's luggage. 

Yuuri walked up to him, slowly, as if testing the waters. He wraped an arm around Viktor's waist, pulling him close. "Okay?"

Viktor inhaled deeply, running a hand over his face before nodding and huffing the breath out. "Yes. Yes I'm okay."

"Great." Yuuri pressed a kiss to his cheek and reveled in the feeling of Viktor practically melting into his side in relief. "So, what do you think?" 

"He's great." Viktor gushed as they walked out the airport and to the train station. "One thing,"

"Hmm?" 

"Why does he think cats are better than dogs? That is clearly not true." Viktor pouted.

Yuuri burst out laughing and took Viktor by the hand. "You and I could have gotten dealt worse Viktor." 

" _Puppies_ Yuuri!"

"I know!" The Japanese man poked Viktor's cheek as they made it to the platform where Minako, Yuri, and Jem were waiting. Their little boy was sitting in Yuri's arms like he belonged there, eyeing them both with curious eyes. 

Viktor smiled at him, breath catching when Jem smiled right back.

They could do this.

They would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long, I'm so sorry. AHH, they meet? XD I wanna write more scenes for this fic but the initial main fic is like, done. I think I'll post something about Yuri's time there in Japan, spending time with Jem, and of course more Viktor and Jem moments XD
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Your comments and kudos give me so much life thank you all so much~~

**Author's Note:**

> There is absolutely no planning being done for this fic. It's being written on the spot and the chapter names are based on which Skatra song I'm listening to while writing it. Bear with me.


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